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Are you Being Gaslighted?

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Are you Being Gaslighted?

Gaslighting is a phrase we hear more and more of lately. While we’re all becoming familiar with the term and know that it’s not a good thing, many of us still aren’t entirely sure what gaslighting is or how to recognize if we’re a victim of it.

The best way to explain gaslighting is that it’s a form of manipulation. In many cases, the gaslighting starts out as something minor and then turns into something much more serious and sinister until it’s a form of emotional and mental abuse. It is usually started by someone who is in a position of power or someone you’re close to.

The idea behind gaslighting is that it’s a form of manipulation that’s specifically designed to alter your beliefs and even question your own judgment. As time passes, it wears away at your confidence, putting you in a position where you turn to the person responsible for the gaslighting. Gaslighting is often done in the early stages of domestic abuse situations. It is also frequently seen between healthcare workers and patients, employers/co-workers, etc.

If you’re not sure if you’re being subjected to gaslighting, here are some things you should consider: 

  • Does the person you think may be gaslighting you frequently question your version of events?
  • Do they frequently say you either have or haven’t done something until you find yourself questioning your own memory?
  • Frequently accuse you of being over-emotional
  • Often subtly alter facts so that you appear crazy, silly, or are to blame for things that went wrong
  • Fail to even consider the idea that they may be wrong

Recognizing that you’re being gaslit is a good first sign. Once you understand that you’re the victim of manipulation, you can take the steps needed to extract yourself from the situation and start repairing the damage the situation has done to your mental and emotional health.

One of the best things you can do after you’ve been a victim of gaslighting is to turn to close friends and family members. It’s up to you to decide if you want to tell them what you’ve gone through. Some people find the act of telling their experiences cathartic. Others don’t. Whether or not you discuss what happened, you’ll find that simply spending time with people who genuinely love you, who want nothing but the best for you, and who want to build you up and see you become the best possible version of yourself to be just the medicine your self-esteem needs so that it can begin to heal.

Depending on the severity of the gaslighting, some people find that getting professional therapy is massively helpful. Others find that they do best when they cut the person responsible for the gaslighting out of their life. 

How do you handle gaslighting situations?

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Petnapping in Tennessee

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The Dangers and Consequences of Petnapping in Tennessee

The recent conviction of the man who not only shot Lady Gaga’s dog walker but also stole her two precious French Bulldogs has people talking about pet theft in Tennessee, the consequences of the crime, and how to prevent it.

Most of us love our pets as much as we love our human family members. We make an enormous number of sacrifices to make sure they are well cared for and loved. We can’t imagine having them brutally ripped from our lives.

The good news is that situations like what happened with Lady Gaga’s dogs are not very common. Most people don’t have their pets brutally yanked out of their grip while walking them. The most common types of pet thefts involve:

  • Unattended pets being removed from yards/cars/dog parks etc
  • Pets getting caught in a custody dispute when a relationship dissolves
  • Pets getting lost, found, and then claimed by another person

The good news is that while you may not be able to eliminate the odds of your pet getting stolen completely, there are things you can do to minimize the risk of losing your pet to pet-napping.

Don’t Leave Your Pet Unattended

Pets who aren’t watched are at high risk of pet-napping. It’s a crime of opportunity. Sometimes these pets are snatched by someone who knows the pet owner and wants to hurt them. Sometimes it’s because someone wants the pet for themselves and spends a great deal of time and energy scoping things out and figuring out when the pet is unattended and when it’s a good time to snatch them would be. In other cases, someone sees a random, unattended pet and takes them in a crime of opportunity.

The best way to make sure you’re pet is never a petnapping victim is always to be aware of them and the potential dangers. If you’re leaving a pet in a car for a few minutes, ensure your vehicle is locked and parked in a high-traffic area. Don’t park at the back of the parking lot where no one will notice if someone is breaking into your vehicle so they can steal your dog.

If you love turning your dog loose in the yard so they can play, you should fence off an area of your yard that’s not easy to see from the street. Change up the times you let the pet out. Never let them out when you’re not home, set up a few cameras so you can see what is happening to your pet while they are outside.

Relationship Breakdown Leads to Petnapping

The most common form of someone taking a pet is when a relationship ends, and one partner claims a pet as their own. This can lead to some very nasty situations. While you might not be able to prevent your former partner from taking your pet, you can take steps to make sure you always get the pet back. The best way to do this is to accept complete financial responsibility for your pet. Make sure your name is the only name that appears on the vet’s registration papers and vet bills. Make sure you keep electronic copies of all your pet’s paperwork in an email or cloud storage base your partner doesn’t have access to important documents about your pet.

Lost Pets that are Claimed by Someone Else

It doesn’t matter how careful you are; sometimes, pets get loose and run off. With a little luck, you’re quickly reunited, but sometimes your pet is caught by someone else and taken to an animal shelter where they’re adopted by a new pet guardian. The best way to prevent this is to ensure your pet is microchipped and that the microchip is registered to you. Also, as soon as you lose your pet, notify all local animal rescues and vet shelters. You should also use social media to alert people to look for your pet. Clear, recent photos are the best way to ensure someone doesn’t adopt your pet after finding them.

What steps have you taken to ensure your favorite fur baby doesn’t become a petnapping victim?

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4 Things Police Look for When Searching for Drunk Drivers

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4 Things Police Look for When Searching for Drunk Drivers

Most of us have been there at least once in our lives. Even though we were perfectly sober at the time, the police pulled us over for a seemingly silly reason. The reason the police do this is that they have been trained to recognize these relatively minor driving issues as signs that the driver is impaired.

Driving At a Certain Time

It might not be fair, but there are certain times when you’re more likely to be pulled over for a suspected DUI than others. The most common time is between 2 and 3 in the morning. This is when the bars close and people are driving home. Not only are there fewer cars on the road which increases the likelihood of you catching a patrol officer’s eye, but most people who are on the road at that time of the night are leaving a bar or club. This is why so many bartenders are pulled over after they’ve left work.

Driving too Slowly

Weirdly enough, driving too slowly is one of the best ways to be pulled over for a suspected DUI. While there are a few different reasons people will drive slowly, DUI is the most common one. While every person is different, most people who are inebriated drive slowly because their reflexes aren’t as sharp as normal and they’re overcompensating and being overly careful. Not only will the extremely slow driving catch the eye of a passing patrol officer, but your slow driving can also be a road hazard.

Erratic Acceleration and Deacceleration

If you’re rapidly accelerating and deaccelerating for no apparent reason, you shouldn’t be surprised when you spot red and blue lights in your rearview mirror. The inability to gauge how heavily you’re pressing down on the brake and gas pedal are early indicators of inebriation.

Swerving

Swerving in and out of your lane isn’t just a sign of a potential DUI, it’s also dangerous. When you’re drunk, the swerving indicates that you’re having a difficult time staying focused, that you’re not in full control of your motor skills, and that there’s a serious risk of you getting into a serious accident.

Even if you haven’t been drinking, if a cop spots you swerving all over the road, there’s a good chance that in addition to issuing a sobriety test, they’ll also give you a ticket for erratic or reckless driving.

Tennessee’s patrol officers are extremely good at spotting individuals who are DUI and will not hesitate to pull you over and issue an immediate sobriety test. The best way to prevent this from happening is to make sure you always have an alternate way to get home, such as a designated driver or a ride-share pickup, when you’re going out for drinks.

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Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Gathering

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Tips for a Peaceful Holiday Family Gathering

‘Tis the season when many of us are getting together with both our immediate and extended family to celebrate the holidays. While this is supposed to be a fun time that is full of joy and shared memories, all of us are painfully aware that whenever a family gathers, there’s always a chance that an argument will break out. While you might not be able to completely prevent family discourse over the holidays, there are some things you can do that will help you maintain the peace during gatherings.

Know Your Limits

Before getting together with your family for the holidays, take a few moments to access your mental and emotional health. Are you in a good state of mind or do you feel like it wouldn’t take much to push you over the edge? Take another moment to determine how much time you can spend with your family before you find your emotions starting to unravel. Commit yourself to only spending that amount of time at the gathering before you make your excuses and leave. Don’t be afraid to leave early if your family becomes too much. It’s far easier to apologize for leaving early than it is to apologize for getting into a massive argument with your siblings.

Don’t Bring Up Old Problems

Treat this family gathering as a blank slate. Old arguments, complaints, and other issues should be pushed aside and allowed to rest. If you have a problem with how a relative has treated you in the past, try to avoid that particular relative at this particular gathering. Once the holidays are over, you can always call them and try to resolve the issue.

Evaluate Your Attitude

You may not be able to do much about your cranky uncle or bickering parents, but you can do something about your attitude. Instead of approaching the family gathering with a chip on your shoulder, convince yourself to be tolerant and cheerful. This is one of those fake it until you make it situations, when you’re cheerful, even when you’re forcing yourself to be, you’ll notice others respond positively to you. Before you know it, your good attitude will have shifted the gathering’s entire atmosphere and everyone will be having a good time.

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What to Do If You’ve Been Accused of an Internet Crime

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What to Do If You’ve Been Accused of an Internet Crime

In 2018, the Cyber Security Breaches Survey revealed the shocking news that approximately 43% of all businesses fell for some sort of internet crime. The costs associated with these crimes really added up. It’s estimated that in California alone, businesses collectively lost more than $214 million to internet crimes.

And businesses aren’t the only ones who fall victim to internet crimes. Every single day, there are multiple reports of people who lost thousands as a result of some internet crime.

We get so wrapped up in how victims handle internet crimes that we forget there is someone on the other side of the crime. Even worse, there are routine people who are wrongfully accused of perpetuating an internet crime.

The first thing you should do when you’re accused of committing an internet crime is to follow police instructions. If you’re getting arrested, don’t try to resist. Resisting arrest not only makes you appear guilty, but it can also result in even more charges. When you’re told you’re being arrested for an internet crime, stay calm, cool, and collected.

Don’t say anything to anyone about the alleged internet crimes unless your criminal defense attorney is with you. In addition to making sure both your civil and legal rights are being upheld, your lawyer will stop you from inadvertently saying or doing something that could get you into even more trouble or that could be used to mount an even stronger case against you.

If you’ve been falsely accused of committing an internet crime, don’t fall for the temptation of accepting a plea deal because you’re tired of all the legal drama or have gotten scared because of what the police and the prosecuting attorney are telling you. As soon as you accept a plea deal, you will have a criminal record that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust your lawyer to get the charges dropped.

If you have committed an internet crime and are convicted, you should know that the details surrounding your case determine whether you’re convicted of a felony or misdemeanor.

If you’re convicted of felony internet crimes, you could be fined up to $10,000 and sentenced to spend up to 20 years in prison. If you’re convicted of misdemeanor internet crimes you’ll only face a fine of about $1,000 (plus court costs.)

In many misdemeanor cases, the judge opts for probation instead of actual jail time, especially if this is the first time you’ve been in trouble with the law.

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4 Facebook Scams You Should Know About

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4 Facebook Scams You Should Know About

Most of us spend a surprising amount of time on Facebook. We love posting about the exciting things taking place in our lives, we enjoy looking at the photos loved ones share, and we often treat it like an interesting party line that provides a legal way to spy on the lives of others. We seldom stop and think about how dangerous Facebook can be, even though we routinely hear about friends whose accounts have been hacked or who have encountered a Facebook scam.

While you don’t have to completely stop using Facebook, you’ll get more out of the social media giant if you are aware of the most popular Facebook scams and know how to identify and avoid them.

Phishing

Phishing on Facebook is just like other forms of internet phishing, it just takes place on Facebook. The way it works is someone creates a fictitious Facebook account that suggests they offer a service or own a business. When you express interest in the business/service, the mastermind behind the account steals a great deal of your information, including your Facebook password, and uses it for personal gain.

The best way to spot a Facebook phishing scheme is by looking at the website you are directed to. If the URL has anything other than facebook.com on it, it’s a scam and you need to exit it and clear your browsing history right away.

Counterfeit Products Promoted on Facebook Marketplace

The Facebook marketplace has become a popular place for people who have cheap products to make a quick buck by promoting them as if the product was name brand or high quality. The best way to avoid falling into this trap is to study the pictures closely and read the seller’s reviews. If the product looks suspicious or there are many bad reviews, move away from that seller and look for something else to purchase.

Bogus Job Scams

Even though Facebook isn’t the first place most people look when they’re hunting for a new job, there are some legit job opportunities posted on the social media site. The problem is that there are also some surprisingly convincing bogus job scams available on Facebook.

The purpose of the bogus job scams is the same as other scams, the person behind the scam wants to extract specific information from you that they can use for their own gain. The best way to protect yourself from a bogus job scam found on Facebook is to never give away any personal information, change your password each time you message the person responsible for the job listing, and carefully research the company that allegedly posted the job.

The Scam Involving Gift Cards

The general rule of thumb is that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. That’s certainly the case with many of the gift card offers floating around Facebook. One of the reasons so many people are conned by fake gift card scams is that the person behind the scam hacks an account and makes it appear like the offer is coming from a loved one. And the wording is both persuasive and authentic.

The scam is twofold. Since you’re asked to click a link and provide information about yourself, the person behind the scam collects information from you that they can use to help steal your identity. They also ask you to share the post, making it possible for them to connect with your Facebook friends so they can run the gift card scam on other people.

The best way to avoid getting drawn in by a Facebook scam is to limit your social media actions to dealing with people you know well and always confirm their identity before clicking on any links or secondary accounts.

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The Benefits of Using a VPN

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The Benefits of Using a VPN

A VPN is a virtual private network. The purpose of a VPN is to provide you with a layer of privacy and security while you’re using the internet. VPNs first became popular when people started to go to public places, such as coffee houses and hotels to use the internet, but have since become a crucial tool for people who use the internet to earn a living, including Youtubers, bloggers, and podcasts hosts.

When you are using a VPN, your internet connection is encrypted. This means that no one can use the internet to spy on you while you are doing things like checking online bank balances, updating social media accounts, and working from home.

If you’re not already using a VPN when you log into the internet, there are several reasons why now is the time to start doing so.

The biggest challenge people face when they log into a public wi-fi network while not using a VPN is that they make it possible for cybercriminals to essentially eavesdrop while they’re using the internet. This might not seem like a big deal when you’re simply reading the online version of the local newspaper or watching YouTube videos, but if you’re doing things like chatting with friends via a social media link, depositing funds into your savings account, or using a credit card to complete some online shopping, you’re giving the eavesdroppers valuable information about yourself.

Another thing to consider when using a public network without the benefit of a VPN is that you can’t be one hundred percent certain that you’re using the location’s actual wi-fi. It’s not uncommon for cyber criminals to seek out popular public locations and create a mirror of the location’s wi-fi connection. Instead of connecting to the actual free wi-fi spot, you actually connect to the cybercriminal’s account, providing them with free rein to use the connection to not only see your surfing history but to also get a peek inside your computer files and history.

One of the reasons so many professionals who use the internet to make a living, particularly YouTubers and podcasters rely on VPNs is because the VPN helps protect their actual location. They can use the VPN to make it look like they’re in a different country, which makes it harder for stalkers and crazed fans to determine where they’re located and potentially threaten the individual’s safety.

While the primary reason to use a VPN is security, there’s an added advantage. Not only can you use the VPN to hide your location from cyber criminals, but you can also hide your location from location-based services, such as Netflix and Amazon. This is especially useful when you have a subscription service that you wish to get the maximum value. For example, if you use Netflix, you can alter the VPN so that instead of simply getting access to the movies that are available to U.S. subscribers, you can also watch the movies that are available to the U.K. and other parts of the world.

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Teens Need to be Smart While Partying This Halloween

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Teens Need to be Smart While Partying This Halloween

Everyone knows that the best parties happen at Halloween. There’s something about the combination of extreme sugar, spookiness, and the strange cheerful zaniness of the season that makes the parties even more memorable. It’s why so many teens spend days learning about what Halloween parties are taking place and deciding which they’ll attend or skip.

While there’s nothing wrong with going out and having a great time at local Halloween parties, teens do need to be smart and make sure they’re not breaking any laws while they have the time of their lives. 

The first thing to remember is that parties aren’t a secret like they once were. Thanks to teens using social media sites to plan and discuss parties, it’s easy for the police to use the same social media sites to gain information about the party. If they get the impression the Halloween party is going to have a lot of drug use or underage drinking, it’s reasonable to assume that they could show up on at the party site and start making arrests.

Even if the cops don’t learn about the Halloween party via social media, if someone complains about the noise or something else that’s happening, the police will put in an appearance. While they are at the Halloween Party, they will be actively looking for intoxicated teens.

This year, like in previous years, the police and courts are not fooling around when it comes to underage drinking. It doesn’t matter that it’s Halloween and that you only had one beer to celebrate. If they catch you drinking, you will face steep consequences that will have an instant impact on your life and your immediate future.

Teens who are caught drinking at Halloween parties will:

  • Lose their driving privileges for as long as a year if they’re caught driving with anything more than a .01 blood alcohol level.
  • Be fined up to $250 (plus court costs)
  • Be required to participate in drug and alcohol counseling
  • Be required to complete 24-32 hours of community service

If you’re going to a Halloween party, it’s important that you’re aware that even if you’re not actively drinking when the police knock on the door, you could still be in trouble. Just by holding a drink in your hand, you can be charged with being in possession of alcohol while a minor. 

If you’re a teenager, the best way to enjoy the holiday without potentially getting into trouble with the law is to make sure to only attend alcohol-free parties.

 

 

 

 

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Staying Safe And Checking Your Halloween Candy

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Staying Safe And Checking Your Halloween Candy

Ever since 1974 when Ronald Clarke O’Brian gave his son Halloween candy that was laced with a fatal dose of poison, everyone has been worried about the possibility of their own child ingesting fatal candy. 

It’s easy to understand why parents are fearful. Kids are going door to door and stocking up. Some of the kids will often eat their bounty as they walk from one home to the next. All the kids know is that they are getting a rare, sugary treat. The idea that it could be dangerous doesn’t even cross their minds.

Parents know that while the vast majority of people who answer their door on Halloween night and pass out candy are good and decent people who wouldn’t dream of handing out toxic candy, they also know that there’s always a chance that their child could cross the path of a dangerous psychopath who doesn’t like kids.

The good news is that there are some steps parents can take to make sure their child only enjoys safe candy this Halloween.

The first thing you need to do is commit yourself to watch your child like a hawk. Don’t assume that just because you told your child that they weren’t allowed to eat the candy until you have a chance to inspect it that they’ll listen. Stay close to your child and make sure they aren’t sneaking treats. This is why it’s good to have a couple of adults accompanying your child while trick-or-treating. The more adult supervision there is, the less likely it is that your child will take advantage of you looking away for a moment and grabbing a piece of candy.

As soon as possible, take a moment to inspect the candy. Commercially wrapped candy bars are great because it’s easy to inspect the packaging for signs of tampering. While broken seals and holes in the package don’t necessarily mean that the person who handed out the candy laced it with something harmful, the packaging does occasionally become damaged, the damage does mean you can’t let your child have it. 

If the candy’s packaging is damaged, make a note of the address, keep the candy away from your child, and bring the candy to the police for testing. Do not confront the person who passed out the candy. 

Another way you can make sure your child enjoys Halloween but doesn’t end up with tainted candy is by avoiding the act of going from one stranger’s door to another. Instead, look for businesses that have collaborated and put together a trunk and treat event for the kids. These events have turned into a wildly popular solution for parents who want to minimize the risks connected to trick-or-treating but who also want their kids to enjoy Halloween.

Your third option is to limit your trick-or-treating to the homes of trusted family members and friends who you know will only hand your child candy that’s safe.

Have fun and stay safe the Halloween!

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Helpful Tips To Keep Your Black Cat Safe This Halloween

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Life isn’t easy for black cats. The fact that they often don’t photograph well combined with all the poor unlucky mythology surrounding them increases the odds of a black cat spending its entire life in a shelter.

People who have a black cat that they love get especially nervous around Halloween. The fear is that someone will spot the cat, capture it, and use it as some macabre Halloween decoration.

The good news is that there are many things you can do to help keep your black cat safe this Halloween.

The best way to make sure your cat stays safe this Halloween is to dedicate yourself to making sure that they are strictly an indoor cat. Keeping them inside not only keeps them safe during Halloween, but studies prove that indoor cats live significantly longer than outdoor/indoor cats. With enough stimulation, your black cat will love staying indoors full time.

By keeping your black cat inside, you protect them from:

      • Getting into fights with stray, feral cats
      • No longer have to worry about being struck and hurt/killed by a car
      • Protect them from getting into pesticides, insecticides, and other outdoor toxins
      • They won’t run across anyone who is intent on harming any cat they see
      • Protect them from catching diseases that are prevalent in feral cat colonies.
      • Keeping your cat indoors is just one of the things you can do to protect them on Halloween.

If you’re welcoming trick and treaters to your home, you’ll be opening and closing your door a lot. Each time you open it, you’re creating a situation where your cat may decide to rush out. Rather than running the risk of an escaped kitty, confine your cat to a part of your home where it won’t be anywhere near the front door when it opens. If they’re not usually locked into that section of the home, spend a few days leading up to Halloween acclimating them to the idea.

Don’t forget to set them up with toys, water, and a litter box.

If you live in an area where there are fireworks or loud parties on Halloween, it’s possible that your black cat (and any other pets you have in your home) are going to be stressed. It is worth your time to speak to your vet about the possibility of medications and/or natural remedies that will help them relax.

With a little prep work, there’s no reason you and your black cat won’t enjoy a happy and safe Halloween.

 

 

 

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